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Hurricane Derek

FireKP1

Smash Lord
Joined
Aug 28, 2005
Messages
1,357
Location
In the fiery pits of hell.
Hurricane Derek

Note: Moderators please do not close this topic. Even if this story currently looks boring or something this will get more interseting.

Warning: If you have been a victim of a recent hurricane or have had nightmares about desturctive hurricanes. I recommend not to read any further. Otherwise you might feel offended or very pissed off at this story. If you have not been a victim of a powerful hurricane {Cat 3-5} you should keep reading if you wan't.

Chapter 1 Beginning of development
June 25, 2011
2:10 pm

The previous storms so far and what they did.
Arlene Cat 1 no landfall June 3-7
Bret T.S. no landfall June 8-13
Cindy T.S. Mexico 13-15

For nine days in the atlantic is was quiet without any storms or tropical waves. At Stephenson Public school in New Orelans 11 year old David was playing with his friends: Mitch, Camille, Andrew, Hugo and Katrina. David and his parents and little sister Isabel had finished cleaning up after Kastrina and Rita 4 years ago. After school Camille was confronted by the master bully of Stephenson Public school Ivan. He challenged her to a fight after school in 2 days. Camille's friend Hazel picked her up in her dad's car.

At the national hurricane center in Miami director Max Mayfield took a look at his computer only to find a disturbed area of low pressure 458 miles east of the Leeward islands. The disturbed area of low pressure looked favourable for development tomorrow. He called the Leeward Island hurricane room and telled them to issue a tropical storm warning for the Leeward Islands.

Meanwhile at David's house 2 miles mast of the school his father [Floyd] did not like the sound of a new tropical wave coming to the atlantic. Floyd immeditaely called a family meeting. David, Isabel and their mom Donna game downstairs. He called to come up with ideas in case the new tropical wave coming to the atlantic decides to come to Louisana. Donna reminded them all about Katrina and if this is the next killer storm.

David went to Mitch's house for a sleepover at 7:30 pm. And isabel went to stay with one of her friends for the night while Floyd and Donna went out for the night. David told Mtich about the new tropical wave but Mitch said not to worry. It will never come to Louisana. While Mitch's dad Charley said never let your guard down to a storm. Then he turned off the light.

At 5:23 am at the National hurricane center Max Mayfield called the hurricane hunters in TD4
which was beginning to hit the Leeward islands. The hunters told Max Mayfield that TD4 had just strengthed into Tropical Storm Derek. With 40 mph an hour winds. In the CNN center in Atlanta they turned to Rob Marrciono who was in the Leeward Islands. Tress were already beginning to shake and the rains were beginning to come down.

When David and Mitch woke up they checked the net for information on TD4. They found out
that TD4 had Become Tropical Storm Derek. And it's forecast track showd it to possibly hit Haiti and Cuba in the next 3-6 days. Since it was saturday they then watched cartoons. David left in 3 hours and headed back to his house.

On his way home David saw 2 little girls who looked like they were 6 were getting beat up by 4 10 year old boys. David stepped up for the girls and the bullies left. The girls mom came up and thanked David for everything. She gave him her phone number and told him that if you need anything call me. When David came home at 10:04 am Donna told him that Tropical Storm Derek had made landfall in the Leeward Islands. And it looked like this storm would get pretty strong with no idea where the storm would make landfall.

In the Leeward Islands, reporting for CNN Rob Marrciono said this. The winds here have picked up in the past 3 hours as trees shake and power goes out. In fact what I've learned is that 740 people so far are without power here. And this is only a weak tropical storm. If this gets to hurricane strength this could get much worse. At 11am at the National hurricane center they annouced their 11am update for Tropical Storm Derek
Tropical Storm Derek
11:00 am
50 mph
Eye on the west side of the Leeward Islands.

Countined in Chapter 2.
 

m3gav01t

BRoomer
BRoomer
Joined
May 31, 2005
Messages
834
holy smokes man. you need to read more. this whole story just feels like one unclear run-on sentence. there are quotes in the english language for several reasons, one of them is to make it clear when a person in a piece of writing is speaking. additionally, told is the past tense of tell, not "telled." this story could also use a run through spell check. commas are your friend, you should use them. they add clarity to writing and keep it from sounding like one gigantic run-on. you really ought to read a lot more, your writing needs a lot of improvement before anyone will take it seriously.
 

FireKP1

Smash Lord
Joined
Aug 28, 2005
Messages
1,357
Location
In the fiery pits of hell.
Chapter 2
The first hurricane in 2011
Saturday June 26, 2011
4:55 PM

In the Leeward Islands Rob Marricono give his next report about Tropical Storm Derek's impact on the Leeward Islands. Rob: Well things are improving since the morning. Some weak trees are down and power is out to 875 customers. The waves have died down here on
the east side of the Leeward Islands too.

David turned off the TV and checked the web to see how powerful Tropical Storm Derek is.
At the NOAA's website they had just released their 5 o'clock adviseory on Tropical Storm Derek.

June 26
5:00 PM
Moving away from the Leeward Islands
60 mph

The phone rang so David answered it. It was Camille and she wanted to know their homework for monday. David told her their homework and the latest on Tropical Storm Derek. Camille told David about Ivan and tomorrow. David: Don't worry I have a plan. He hang up and the doorbell rang. A 9 year-old from school give him a sheet about the time, date and place where Camille would fight Ivan.

David went into his back porch and wondered if Derek would slam into Louisana. David talked to his dad Floyd about New Orleans hurricane history. Floyd: Well Katrina and Rita as you know caused catasoprchatic damage to New Orleans while we lived in Austin. There was also Hurricane Camille which almost took a direct shot at New Orleans but turned east to Mississippi.

David went to bed after a late night movie and thought about Derek and if he came to New Orleans. Meanwhile at 1:04 am Tropical Storm Derek completey left the Leeward Islands and wobbled a bit making it move NW. At 4:55 am the hurricane hunters flew into Tropical Storm Derek again. Here's the 5:00AM data.

Sunday June 26
5:00 AM
In the Caribbean Sea
70 mph

David slept in until 10:30 AM. So he got dressed, showered, and had breakfest. He turned on the TV to watch cartoons. At 11:00 AM he got on the computer and went to the NOAA's Derek site. When David checked the information for Derek this is what he saw.

Sunday June 26
11:00 AM
Caribbean Sea
75 mph
Cat 1 hurricane

David: This is not good.
 

Luigitoilet

shattering perfection
BRoomer
Joined
Jul 30, 2001
Messages
13,719
Location
secret room of wonder and despair
This is terrible terrible terrible. And I can't condemn your grammar since many of my stories are anti-grammar. But this is just awful.

Then again, it's about just what I expected from you.
 

FireKP1

Smash Lord
Joined
Aug 28, 2005
Messages
1,357
Location
In the fiery pits of hell.
Chapter 3
Heading for Haiti
June 26
Sunday
2:30 AM

At David's house he and Andrew who came over played the game of life and monopoly. We then got out my basketball hoop and started palying basketball. But suddenly a car crashed into a tree and a guy came out screaming Derek is coming, Derek is coming, were all gonna die. Then he died. After the ambulance took him away Me and Mitch checked to see where Derek was. But he was in the same spot he was at 11AM.

While me and Mitch were playing Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness and fighting Lovrina an e-mail popped up on my computer. It was Camille with this message.

Dear David

They've shifted Derek's forecast track and intensity.
Forecast track: Projected to brush Haiti tomorrow night and then hit Cuba
Intensity: Winds are at 80mph.

Yours sincerely Camille.

Mitch and David were talking about Hurricane Derek and what would happen if the hurricane
would hit here. At 5:00 PM the two watched the 5 o'clock adviseory about Hurricane Derek.
Max Mayfield: Hurricane Derek's winds are now 85mph and 285 miles southeast from Haiti. We are projecting it to brush Haiti with high winds and flooding and then turn and slam into Cuba. After that it could be in the gulf. This storm while a CAT1 is projected to become a major hurricane.

David: Great the storm could be in gulf. So Mitch are you ready to pack. Mitch: It's not even at Cuba yet. We have plenty of time in case Derek makes landfall in the gulf. David: You told me not to worry when this is a wave but now this is a hurricane! Mitch: Let's go play some more Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness.

At 6:29 PM David suddenly remembered that Camille was going to fight Ivan outside the school at 6:45 PM. So David and Mitch hopped on their bikes and headed for the school. When they got there, they saw a big crowd of people wanting to see the fight. At 6:45 the two fighters showed up on opposite sides of the soccer field. Ivan on the left side and Camille on the right side. And they're both ready to fight....

Countined in Chapter 4.
 

Evil Eye

Selling the Lie
BRoomer
Joined
Jul 21, 2001
Messages
14,439
Location
Madison Avenue
God. The Floridian hurricanes of 2004, Sri Lanka, New Orleans...

And then this tripe.

Dear God, the world must be ending. There's just too much chaos. Stay out of Tianmen Square, people.

-I
 

Scav

Tires don Exits
BRoomer
Joined
Jun 9, 2002
Messages
7,352
Location
San Francisco
It's the end of the word as we know it.
It's the end of the word as we know it.
It's the end of the word as we know it and it's a crime.
 

FireKP1

Smash Lord
Joined
Aug 28, 2005
Messages
1,357
Location
In the fiery pits of hell.
Chapter 4
A fight and a hurricane
Sunday June, 26
6:45 PM

At Stephenston Public School Camille and Ivan faced each other as Ivan made the first move. Ivan did a hardcore punch at Camille but she dodged from the worst of it as her left arm got part of the blow. She quicky retailied by tripping Ivan down in a puddle of mud. Everyone laughed until it suddenly began to thunderstorm. Ivan called of the fight as a draw and left.

Back at David's house David, Mitch and Camille went over the latest about Hurricane Derek.
Mitch turned on the TV and found out that Derek was 269 miles from Haiti. CAMILLE: Oh my god those poor Haitiens, this is just what they need. Well the storm hasen't even brushed Haiti yet, said Mitch.

After Mitch and Camille left David turned on the TV to watch CNN. Larry King was doing a interview with someone so Newsnight wouldn't be on for 35 minutes. David decided to go to bed since nothing would happen if he just watched CNN for hours. But before he went to bed he prayed that Derek wouldn't hit Haiti hard.

At 7:16 Am David woke up and checked the NOAA website. Here's the latest on Hurricane Derek.

Hurricane Derek
Cat 1
95 mph
138 miles from Haiti
Waves are picking up at the south Haiti coast

At Stephenston Public school David worked hard at all the subjects he did even though he had a math test and a sub. In fact he forgot all about Hurricane Derek. When David got home he checked the latest on Hurricane Derek.

3:00 PM
Hurricane Derek
Cat 2
100 mph
106 miles from Haiti
Outer bands are at Haiti coast. Note: Derek is beginning to take a little wobble to the left.

After dinner David called Hugo and Katrina and asked them if they knew the latest about Hurricane Derek. KATRINA: Check the NOAA website David. So David did.

5:00 PM
Hurricane Derek
Cat 2
105 mph
92 miles from Haiti
Derek is on a path to hit Haiti with some powerful winds but not to make landfall there.
 

Venom Dream

Smash Champion
Joined
May 4, 2002
Messages
2,317
Location
Bananada
Man, you are really patient. You can sit through all of the intelegent people insulting your posts and still just... continue updating.
For that, ^5's. Otherwise, thumbs down. Way down.
 

Mediocre

Ziz
BRoomer
Joined
Mar 25, 2004
Messages
5,578
Location
Earth Bet
You must be sadistic, because there's no other reason you'd post this crap.

Of course, you'd have to be either masochist or seriously delusional about your own skills to write it in the first place.
 

Scav

Tires don Exits
BRoomer
Joined
Jun 9, 2002
Messages
7,352
Location
San Francisco
You know, there's an answer that solves both VD's and Mediocre's points.

It's possible that he simply can't read.
 

SMB PORTAL

Smash Ace
Joined
Aug 21, 2005
Messages
565
Location
Writing
Maybe you should just try to reread and change parts of your story next time. Have you written a story before?
 

Eor

Banned via Warnings
BRoomer
Joined
Jan 2, 2003
Messages
9,963
Location
Bed
Reading this is almost as enjoyable as buying your freind a car, and having him run you over with it.
 

FireKP1

Smash Lord
Joined
Aug 28, 2005
Messages
1,357
Location
In the fiery pits of hell.
Chapter 5
Haiti and Cuba
Monday June,27

Today was the last day of school at Stephenston Public School, and you can just imagine how happy David, Mitch, Andrew, Camille, Hugo and Katrina were. The school had a last day of school party with drinks, chips, cookies and a ton of movies. When the school year was over Mitch and Katrina saw Ivan getting scolded by his father Bob.

David came home with Camille and checked the NOAA website for the latest on Hurricane Derek

2:00 PM
Hurricane Derek
Cat 3
115 mph
39 miles from Haiti
Haiti will not see any damage worse from Derek than now.

David and Camille played Sorry and Monopoly until 5:00 pm when they checked the NOAA website.

5:00 PM
Hurricane Derek
Cat 3
115 mph
142 miles from Cuba

They turned on CNN to watch hurricane Derek. In Haiti John Zarrela: Well things are beginning to improve. What we know at this point is that power is out to 2400 customers here and 25 people are currently presumed dead. If you just take a look on the beach waves are still crashing since yesterday morning. Now we turn to Jackie Jerris for the latest on the forecast.

Jackie: Derek is currently a Cat 3 hurricane, which makes this a major hurricane on the saffir-simpson scale. Already clouds and the outer-feeder bands are grazing southern Cuba.
Here's the forecast for the next 3 days.

Tuesday 2:00 PM
Cat 3
125 mph
59 miles from NW Cuba

Wednesday 2:00 PM
Cat 3
130 mph
4 miles from NW Cuba

Thursday 2:00 PM
Cat 4
135 mph
In the gulf of mexico

Now when this hurricane gets into the gulf it could hit anywhere from Texas all the way to Alabama. Also when it gets into the gulf we might see this getting up to Cat 5 stregenth but we're gonna have to wait a few days.

At 7:00 PM Camille wen't home and David wen't and played Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness. He was at Phenac Stadium when all of a sudden he heard a voice from outside. It was some Hobo saying "Derek's in the gulf we're all gonna die ahhaaaaaaa!!!!" After the police arrested
the Hobo David decided to continue playing XD until the next adviseory.
 

Eor

Banned via Warnings
BRoomer
Joined
Jan 2, 2003
Messages
9,963
Location
Bed
I think I understand now...

FireKP1 is the antichrist
 

Crimson King

I am become death
BRoomer
Joined
Jan 14, 2002
Messages
28,983
What is your morbid fascination with hurricanes? I get pummelled by them yearly and I don't even care about them that much. I mean if they were interesting sure, but come on.

GET SUNLIGHT NOW!!
 

m3gav01t

BRoomer
BRoomer
Joined
May 31, 2005
Messages
834
all i can say is that in my drunken state i finally figured out what the **** you meant by all the cat nonsense. you meant category, yes? my god i must be some sort of genius. this story makes me want to kill myself. seriously. i'm drunk as crap right now and after reading this i just want to run into the street and be pummeled by a car. i've lost all faith in humanity. now you've forced me to get a tub of ice cream, get under the covers, and watch sex and the city. i ****ing hate sex and the city. i'm probably going to go eat myself to death now. thanks, firepk1, thanks. i told you once to use quoatation marks and i won't tell you again. next time i shoot to kill. i'm totally going to haxx0r j00r a55 and then post stuff that you didn't write. like, "hi, my name's fire pk1. i enjoy eating ice cream." yeah, totally gonna write that for you like tomorrow or something. you ever look at a word and think it's horribly mispelled even though it's correct? that just happened to me with the word, "or." weird, yes? also, firepk1, i feel nothing for any of your helling, ****ing characters. infact, i can't even keep them straight. and why the **** was there that ******* fight that actually ended up not happening? that reminds me of this time in highshcool when i totally gave this nerd a wedgie. it was such a bad wedgie i ripped his tightie whities. by the way, i'm a 7 foot 8 inch jock who beats kids up for a living. i could probably beat y ou up, too. sometimes i enjoy hiding in my suitemate's closets when they're taking showers and then popping out at them. some of them get really scared. it's infinitely amusing to me. man i wish it were halloween so i would have a reason for drinking more. but, then again, do you ever really need a reason for getting drunk? hell no. i've been drunk all day. infact, i went to work drunk and i'm pretty **** sure i told my boss i was plastered. i'm probably gonna get fired monday. but you know, whatever. i'll just get a research internship in a physics lab instead of working for some ******* political candidate i don't even like. i hate most politicians. when i was working today i had a conversation with some like 50 year old woman for like three hours and somehow relationships came up and i told her i'd never cheat on my girlfriend, who's practically my wife. she told me to never say never because her husband cheated on her. i told her that's probably because her husband's a douche bag. whatever, she could probably smell the whiskey on my breath. at least it ended that **** conversation that went on for far too long. i just can't understand why you keep posting more of this story. i mean, i'm into the whole bdsm thing, but this just takes it to a whole other level. i probably won't be able to sleep for the rest of the semester because of the nightmares this will give me. oh my god i have such bad drunken munchies but no food. i'd eat my shift key and then claim that i mistook it for food, but i already did that when i was lost at sea for several days. actually, did i ever tell you folks that story? well here it is in it's entirety. it's a severly long story. you may want to use the restroom before embarking on the journey that is reading it. one time while on my million dollar yacht with my shipmates, there was a hurricane derek. unfortunatley i was near haiti. it was a cat 17 hurricane back then. i checked the noaa site but i got 404'd. suddenly the hurricane was upon us, and i knew not what to do. i was hoping firepk1 would have some info, but he didn't pick up his cell. my ship was ripped apart, completely destroyed. all my shipmates died. except for my laptop, and it was the best shipmate of all, anyway, so i felt no remorse. then ivan and all the other names in this story called me. i lied and told them i was on holiday in the carribean talking to the talking fish that was in one of revolutions' stories. they understood and hung up. i was just too embarrassed to admit my yachtsmanship was no longer at its peak. so i drifted for what felt like days, probably because it was. eventually that hellhound from that fable of luigitoilet's paddled by. we exchanged greetings. me: what's up. you are awesome. hellhound thing: yeah whatever yo. i wanna eat your legs. me: nah, let's just do a fat line of coke. hellhound thing: hell yeah! you got fishscales? me: yeah. hurricane's are bad. so then we did some coke together adn the hellhound thing had a seizure and died. probably not from the coke, but form the fact taht i included it in this obscenely long post and didn't have it speak in spanish. then i ate the shift key from my laptop. eventually, old man mcphearson rowed by in a rowboat. he rescued me. we made smalltalk. me: yeah, whatever yo. old man mcphearson: yar. then we got to land. and that's how it all went down. ****, not only do i have no food, but i have no cigarettes. could someone plz (awesome use of aimspeak, if i do say so myself) email me a cigarret? i'll probably maybe send you some sort of good thing. ****. this is probably the best story i've ever posted on smashboards. by the way, i'll school anyone's ness in old smash. seriously. i'm not one of those idiots who says that and is a grab *****. i z cancel, double jump cancel, all that sort of nice stuff. man, you guys like the band shellac? because this post kind of reminds me of their songs. just rambling on. while reading this, you should think of steve albini rambling on reciting it. dear god i hope this post gets this thread locked. that's been my entire motivation. i just can't take the pain anymore. i've gone to several meetings with a psychiatrist over the serious emotional damage this story has cost me. and by cost me i mean caused me. well, i'm going to go to bed before i sober up and realize what a dumb as hell post this was.

au revoir, my love. xoxo. joe.
 

Mediocre

Ziz
BRoomer
Joined
Mar 25, 2004
Messages
5,578
Location
Earth Bet
Crimson King said:
Now, I see why I stay out of the Creative Minds.
Yeah, Creative Minds is really a misnomer, given the amount of creativity that's found in most of these topics.
 

Mediocre

Ziz
BRoomer
Joined
Mar 25, 2004
Messages
5,578
Location
Earth Bet
Crimson King said:
I mean come on, even the people bashing people suck.
I don't suck.

At least, I don't suck at writing. I may suck at other things, and on other things, including, but not limited to, basketball, golf, archery, gardening, running, lollipops, popsicles and men's *****es.

That said, I do not suck at writing.
 

Venom Dream

Smash Champion
Joined
May 4, 2002
Messages
2,317
Location
Bananada
Luigitoilet said:
I'm ok I think.

Oh, let's stop bumping this topic please? I don't like how it pushes my stuff even farther down.
Agreed. I feel very ignored when FirePK is getting so much attention for his excillent fanfic writing skillz. :(
 

Eor

Banned via Warnings
BRoomer
Joined
Jan 2, 2003
Messages
9,963
Location
Bed
I'm taking my anger out by forcing you all to read this
 

AceMoney

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Jul 26, 2005
Messages
131
Location
Everywhere and nowhere
Yeah, I think I'm pretty ok too. Check the link in my sig if you want to judge for yourself. That said, this story is pretty pointless. I expected a superhero named Hurricane Derek or something extraordinary and was met with a measly summer's breeze. So, either shape up or ship out. Nobody wants to read a story "telled" by a writer who won't even use spell check occassionally. I'm harsh on you because it's insulting to the other writers who put a lot of time and effort into their work only to have their stories not seen because of you. Nuff said.
 
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