GA melee book of Johns


Smash Rookie
Feb 13, 2020
A collection of some of the best/most ridiculous Johns and salt ever muttered in GA melee:

"This tournament set shouldn't count for PR since it was not ideal playing conditions because my opponent got up to get the WiFi password between games" -Anonymous

"He is lucky that I have started seeing a woman and stopped masturbating so my forearms are weaker" -Anonymous

"This Wii makes it so only ports two and three have an extra frame before they can wave dash only with the X button (keeps full-hopping in the middle of Battlefield) see these are all frame perfect" -Anonymous

"I only lost that game because I was so upset about the time of my life being wasted by that troglodyte camping the edge" -Anonymous

"I had too much sex today to play well tonight" -Anonymous

"How can I be expected to win? Sheik loses to Mario 80-20" -Anonymous

"I'm not going to just camp when I can go home and have sex with my Girlfriend" -Anonymous

"The stream TV is too big even for doubles, it's like I have to shift my head to see the timer" -Anonymous

"He has only beaten me when I am trying to leave the venue early, drunk, played other characters, or been on low sleep. Every time, he needs tremendous time in between games to stall me." -Anonymous

"Next time I'll just punch you in the face if you get in my peripheral vision while i'm playing again" -Anonymous

*post netplay friendly session* "plz remember i have not played this game in a week and am trying to cure some kind of hangover, my body in in Shambles currently" -Anonymous

"I haven't practiced a day in my life" -Anonymous

"Why don't you just watch the vod you hillbilly ass irrelevant mid tier **** player" -Anonymous

"I can't play on crts" -Anonymous

"All of sheiks colors are so uninspiring... I think one of the main reasons I haven't realized my true potential yet is cuz all are so meh to me and it makes me play like so :/" -Anonymous

"If only sheik wasn't a mid tier"-Anonymous

"Like do they actually think they're going to win tournaments w/ characters like ganon? no their goal is to just upset mid level players lol" -Anonymous

"Mid-low tier players just rely on their opponent not knowing the matchup and it's pathetic" -Anonymous

"Sheik essentially has to 3-0 fox to win a b05... Why didn't anyone tell me sheik was this bad when i started?? -Anonymous

"sheik gets ****ing invalidated by like 3 different characters it's honestly such bull****" -Anonymous

"**** jigglypuff, Literally all you have to do is get a grab and press up its ****ing stupid and so is anyone who thinks that character takes skill" -Anonymous

"I only got almost 4 stocked in the crew battle because he had one stock left... if he had more stocks im sure I would have done better" -Anonymous

"Sheik Mario is impossible idgaf what anyone says sheik literally just loses it' -Anonymous

"Fox is an overrated meme character" -Anonymous

"Melee is 50% mentality and 50% how good of a controller you have" -Anonymous

"Peach is literally impossible for puff... I mean Peach can fly!!!" -Anonymous

"Falco is for ****ing children, Literally can be an inbred ape with a motor neuron disease and still beat Falcon with that stupid ass ****ing character, ****ing moron bird I swear, How tf I'm supposed to win a 80-20 matchup, **** Falco dude" -Anonymous

"Falco/falcon is 80-20 and at least sheik has a chance vs Fox" -Anonymous

"Fox V puff is the new Peach V ICs" -Anonymous

"WHY THE **** ISNT STADIUM FROZEN! ITS 2020!" -Anonymous

"im only playing puff until i get a win in bracket, even in friendlies losing sux i miss winning it was better" -Anonymous

"shoutout to the scrubs making judgements about my skill from weekly results, nice to see yall under me on the standings at nationals MY SONS" -Anonymous

"The best interaction in melee is you vs someone shielding on platform" -Anonymous

"anyone that thinks reaction techchase with rest is hard/impossible is an idiot LOL, if u can do it with sheik or falcon u can do it with puff with no practice..." -Anonymous

"I just have zero motivation for melee in the winter" -Anonymous

"Wow I outplayed kip the whole set and still lost" -Anonymous

"Can't not get shield grabbed after work, oh well **** icies" -Anonymous

"Falco is easier than puff" -Anonymous

"My bracket was 4 Falco's this **** is ****ing stupid" -Anonymous

"Got 4th in my pool and threw the game to make it out someone punch me in the face please" -Anonymous

"****ing shieks that wipe their hands mid tech chase trigger me" -Anonymous

"I have to play more retardedly to beat falco consistently' -Anonymous

"Guido falcos and their half assed post- Freudian dissertations on neutral game need to leave me alone" -Anonymous

" all the non atl people in ga melee are honestly p braindead" -Anonymous
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Smash Apprentice
Mar 17, 2011
Atlanta, Georgia
"**** Green Falco on these dark ass TVs, you can't techchase them for ****"
"I had to reverse 4 stock his DK because he was black"
"If you think you'd have won without me dropping my controller, you're on another level of dreaming"
"Wispy Woods can get chopped down and become a leper's dildo, #&$* that tree"

Laughing at how many sheik johns there are
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