Considering quitting

[Oz o:]

I don't know what to do. It's come to a point where I'm fighting against wanting to quit. It's like the only way up is to take bitter losses until god knows how long. I've already been playing competitive Smash for around 8 years, and there's not that massive progress to show for it. I've only won one tournament since, and a couple of Top 5 placings. Thing is, there are times when I play so bad you can't even tell I'm a decent player. It's like the match just plays itself and I could lose to literally anyone if I let it happen.

Today we're having our biggest tournament, ever. I pretty much signed up, but then decided to forfeit and asked for a refund. It didn't look like I was going anywhere with the way I was playing, and I just decided to leave.

Every time I lose in tournament, I literally start questioning what am I doing with my life. I literally have nothing else going for me, and this is the only thing I "enjoy" (I say this because I'm miserable half the time).

 

[StoicPhantom]

Winning a tournament and getting top 5 is more than lots can say with equivalent amount of time playing. I know people that have played since 64, that still can't fight any higher than low level. I think progress is just slow and very difficult to notice, especially at higher levels. The one you thing you need to do, is separate the bad feelings you get when you do poorly from the rest of your play and overall mentality. Those are temporary and won't matter when you do well next time.

I'm not really qualified to talk about psychology, but I would say to not tie your performance in Smash, with your self-image. It's good to be passionate about something and strive to improve and be disappointed when you don't do well, but don't equate that with your worth as a person. Plenty of good people don't even play Smash, let alone do well. Your going to fail and fail often in anything, so you can't use those failures as some sort of indictment of your worth.

You're just going to lose a lot. Even top players can sometimes place really bad at tournaments. Don't forget a lot of top players have been playing at a high level for over a decade, so of course they are going to be consistent. Just keep playing and keep experimenting and studying your losses, and you will improve in some capacity. Just the mere fact that you've stuck to it this long, is already much more than most can say. Fighting games are hard and most people quit early precisely because it doesn't feel great constantly failing. And that's true for any skill or discipline.

I think as far as whether you should quit or not, you should examine why you feel you need to quit. If you truly do not enjoy playing the game anymore, then maybe it is time to quit. There's no point in playing anymore if you don't like playing nor is there a point in sticking around just so you don't feel like you're running away or quitting.

But if you still enjoy playing, but are just feeling the pressures of competition are too overwhelming, then you should stick around, but maybe dial back on the competitiveness and not take it so seriously. Don't feel you need to prove anything to yourself or others, just simply play for fun. You'll still improve in some way, but you won't be holding yourself to too high of a standard. Don't let the toxic nature of competition ruin what you enjoy playing, even someone as skilled as ZeRo quit competition because it was more profitable and more fun to goof around on stream. He's still way above most despite not competing anymore.

So yeah, in conclusion don't tie your self-worth to your success in Smash, that's going to lead you down a dark road. Failure isn't something you can avoid and any great individual has plenty of embarrassing stories to share of failure. Just be objective about why you failed and don't dwell on the emotional aspect of it. The fact that you have those accomplishments means you have improved over your time in Smash, and done things the vast majority of the base will never accomplish. If nothing else, just take a step back and play just for the sake of playing for a bit. Even if you don't actually compete in a tournament, go to watch and play friendlies and not worry about winning too much. Sometimes you might need to let your brain detoxify from competition and get back into a more positive mindset and then if you truly have a competitive spirit you'll naturally want to start competing again.

 

[Oz o:]

I've been made aware this topic was actually approved of...I was under the impression it wasn't even here, considering no one else even bothered to reply. Regardless, quality over quanity:

The one you thing you need to do, is separate the bad feelings you get when you do poorly from the rest of your play and overall mentality. Those are temporary and won't matter when you do well next time.

This is something I've heard of, a few times. I've heard of it, but it doesn't seem like I ever really stopped to think about how important it is. There's a saying I heard that was just like that, "if it's not going to be important within the next 5 years, then don't spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it". It's along those, very similiar. Makes you realise these petty emotions just come and go, but also how much they can weigh you down. I'd be lying if I said half of these things don't actually weigh me down as a player, which is ironic, considering it's also within an act of pride.

I'm not really qualified to talk about psychology, but I would say to not tie your performance in Smash, with your self-image. It's good to be passionate about something and strive to improve and be disappointed when you don't do well, but don't equate that with your worth as a person. Plenty of good people don't even play Smash, let alone do well. Your going to fail and fail often in anything, so you can't use those failures as some sort of indictment of your worth.

I've actually been doing this since part of the Brawl days, sadly. It's not something that I'm usually well aware of. It's just there, at the back of my mind, and only comes to haunt when things don't go my way. It's just the whole thing about society pressuring you to find your "identity" by being good at something, as if it's a desperate attempt at holding on to the tangible. You know?

Yeah, you'll fail at things. It's absolutely normal, and expected.

I think as far as whether you should quit or not, you should examine why you feel you need to quit. If you truly do not enjoy playing the game anymore, then maybe it is time to quit. There's no point in playing anymore if you don't like playing nor is there a point in sticking around just so you don't feel like you're running away or quitting.

I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy the game. I really do. But then, I also absolutely hate these moments. It's like mysery vs. the promise of a "maybe" if only I'm willing to put it with it for so long. For me, it's not a weigh of pros as cons. It's literally the pros and the cons.

Regardless, I'd probably be dissasisfied if I didn't even do it (play Smash).

But if you still enjoy playing, but are just feeling the pressures of competition are too overwhelming, then you should stick around, but maybe dial back on the competitiveness and not take it so seriously. Don't feel you need to prove anything to yourself or others, just simply play for fun. You'll still improve in some way, but you won't be holding yourself to too high of a standard. Don't let the toxic nature of competition ruin what you enjoy playing, even someone as skilled as ZeRo quit competition because it was more profitable and more fun to goof around on stream. He's still way above most despite not competing anymore.

After Sunday's tournament, I did come up with half a conclusion. For one, I bought Hero, a character I would've never have considered to. Not for any competitive thing, but only just for the sake of playing the character for the enjoyment of it. That said, I was having these thoughts of improving, but only for myself. Clearly, being better than what you were yesterday is improvement, whether or not you're "proving" in tournament and against others. A lot of the time I just like to play well, and I get pleasure in that. Small details in a match where others would miss, things like that.

I never really put winning at the forfront. I just took it up because it's the language society speaks in. It's the only way others will understand.



As usual, thank you for your thoughts.

 

[Wigglerman]

I've had similar thoughts for some time. I know I'm not a bad player. I know this. I'm not the best but I'm far above the average curve. However I suck at competitions. I'm often in my own head, I'm letting the pressure of 'gotta do well, gotta prove myself' get too far in the way and it ruins my play. I play like I'm far worse than I am. I do loads better at home online or playing friendlies before an event.

It's a strange mind game we play against ourselves without meaning to. I've had to really refocus my brain. During Smash 4 I set out to be the best I could in my state (Maine). By the time I retired from Smash 4, I was placing generally around top 8 to top 10 in events averaging around 30 people. I felt I was doing alright but had hit my plateau. I felt constantly frustrated despite knowing I should feel good about myself when I was bustering out in every other Smash event I attended before 4 came around. I began to berrate myself for my choices in character (I mained Zard, and knew I could do better if I chose ANY other character but I just dedicated myself to Zard and a pocket G&W for lulz).

I find the same mentality creeping back now that I'm back into 'competitive' with Ultimate. I only get to weeklies now and again, not even any of our local 'majors' and I still place roughly top 8-10 but get frustrated when I can seem to beat people I often lose against. I feel the urge to 'quit' again but I just try to remind myself that it really doesn't matter. I should keep playing, try to improve and just set smaller goals than 'place top 3'. My goals are to beat the guys who beat me. It's helped. I've not beaten two people who tend to knock me out of events yet but I get closer and closer every time (I find Paultena is my worst MU right now. Something about her just gets me angry and sloppy. Frustrating opponent for sure).

I know if I beat him, it's a milestone. Not an unachievable one but it gives me the ambition to keep trying without feeling so helpless like I did before. It's a start, at the very least. It's helped me enjoy the game more (as I love it but often feel like I hate it when I have a string of bad games...which is not unusual for anyone, I don't think) and 'hate myself' less.

 

[StoicPhantom]

It's just the whole thing about society pressuring you to find your "identity" by being good at something

That's definitely understandable, you just got to remember that is just another person's measurement of worth. Society can be very hypocritical about what constitutes as "productive" or "meaningful". Like, traditional sports is an international spectacle, drawing tens of millions of fans, but it's just grown men and women playing yard games at a high level at the end of the day. These individuals get paid millions in whatever their currency is and children are greatly encouraged to become one of these players. And this is all considered socially acceptable, despite not being any different from competitive video games, which aren't considered a valid thing to strive for.

So with that said, you just have to develop your own measure of self-worth. It's not easy to break from society's expectations in the least, but it is ultimately really silly to try to adhere to other's arbitrary ideas of what you "ought" to do/think/believe. You have your own personal likes and dislikes, things you enjoy and things you don't. Trying to change that, is not only not going to work, but you will be miserable.

One thing to note, is that you don't need to rush anything. We are all quite young, so we have plenty of time to cultivate ourselves and our skills. I don't think we need to be the best or have everything figured out right out of the gate. Some people are lucky enough to have what they want to do figured out early, others take longer to really know what they want and what they are good at.

So I guess what I'm trying to say, is slow down on your expectations of yourself. It's important to have standards and push yourself, but you have to realize the depth of Smash and other fields. You may have been playing Smash for eight years, but lots of top players have been competing at a top level for longer. Lots of world class musicians and artists start from a young age. It takes a very long time to really get good at something, which is something we underestimate constantly.

All in all, the skills, mentality, work ethic, discipline, and experience that you develop with Smash, will translate to other aspects of life. If you're worried that if you don't become the best at Smash, you'll have completely wasted your time and life, don't be. You won't necessarily become a master painter or the next Metallica or something right away, but you'll have a pretty good idea of how to improve and get good at something and the discipline to handle frustration and the hard work necessary to get there. And thus, will be able to get good at it much quicker than someone starting from scratch.

I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy the game. I really do. But then, I also absolutely hate these moments. It's like mysery vs. the promise of a "maybe" if only I'm willing to put it with it for so long. For me, it's not a weigh of pros as cons. It's literally the pros and the cons.

I definitely do understand this and this is where most people quit on the path to getting good. It's very difficult to constantly do things that make you feel bad or hurt you and it's probably the thing that separates the best from the rest. I think this is where you would need to decide if getting good at Smash is important enough to deal with the pain. Nothing you go to is going to be easy, so you need to pick the thing you like doing the most, so you can better deal with the bad stuff. If it's Smash, then that enjoyment will help carry you through the difficult times. If it's not, then you aren't "running away" by quitting, you're finding something more important (to you) to invest in.

For me, my health issues have pretty much all but made getting to the top a pipe dream. Even if I somehow figured out how to travel to and physically last through a tournament, I'm handicapped on a neurological and cognitive level. I have a very stubborn streak to me, that may have carried me to the top in another life, but the point I want to make, is that I play solely to get better within the capacity I have. Given I don't have the ability to acquire external accolades like trophies or tournament wins, I play for the sake of getting better on a personal level, even if I don't have the ability to be the best overall. That's because while I don't really like competition, and all the icky stuff that comes with it, I do love to be challenged and overcome said challenges. I'm fundamentally not the type of person that can be satisfied with beating the AI over and over again.

So, unless something drastically changes in my situation(unlikely), I've made the choice to abandon the idea of being the best or just rising in the ranks of competition and have decided to just play at my own pace in my own way, even if it isn't always optimal for quickly becoming the best. Not saying that you have to make a similar choice, but it's something to think about.

But I think these things might help you out regardless:

That said, I was having these thoughts of improving, but only for myself. Clearly, being better than what you were yesterday is improvement, whether or not you're "proving" in tournament and against others. A lot of the time I just like to play well, and I get pleasure in that. Small details in a match where others would miss, things like that.

I feel the urge to 'quit' again but I just try to remind myself that it really doesn't matter. I should keep playing, try to improve and just set smaller goals than 'place top 3'. My goals are to beat the guys who beat me. It's helped. I've not beaten two people who tend to knock me out of events yet but I get closer and closer every time

I know if I beat him, it's a milestone. Not an unachievable one but it gives me the ambition to keep trying without feeling so helpless like I did before. It's a start, at the very least. It's helped me enjoy the game more (as I love it but often feel like I hate it when I have a string of bad games...which is not unusual for anyone, I don't think) and 'hate myself' less.

Try changing your goal from placing high in a tournament and focus on individual aspects of your play(spacing, stage control, mental game, etc). Don't look at where you've placed in a tournament, look at individual matches. Use tournaments as a measure of where you need to improve, not how much you've improved. That way you won't constantly be failing at getting first, but constantly succeeding at getting a little better than before. High placings are a side effect of improving your play. Might seem a bit self-deceptive, but don't get too caught up in chasing first place, that you forget that all ranks are meant to do, is measure your current ability, not measure your overall worth and potential.

Like, someone hiking up a mountain isn't really going to constantly be looking up at the summit, measuring how much further they have to go, but looking in front of them to avoid tripping over rocks and falling into holes, right?

As usual, thank you for your thoughts.

No problem(as usual). If you just need to vent from time to time, you can post on my profile or PM me.