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So, I wrote a song...

_kSo_

Smash Master
Joined
Nov 4, 2006
Messages
3,537
Location
Los Angeles, CA
Hey guys, my first post in here. *looks around* (wow fancy stuff)

anyway I wrote a song a few days ago, and here are the lyrics. Constructive Critisism would be most appreciated. It's basically talkin about how weird i felt going to school in indiana after living for like 10 yrs in new jersey. anyway, enjoy


Verse 1
Walkin' down the street one day,
I turned to one of my friends.
Saw him lookin at a crowd,
scanning end to end

Look, he said, at that girl,
d*mn she is so fine
Then he said that she must have
slept with lots of guys.

There's no way you can see that
just from using your eyes
How do you really know,
there's more to her than size

'Cause I said, I once was there,
people always judging
Lookin' at my foreign face
and I would always think

CHORUS
Don't Judge me,
For how I look, or how I dress
Don't Judge me,
For how I walk, or how I talk
Don't Judge me,
'cause you just won't open your mind
Don't Judge me,
because you just don't know me!

Verse 2
Let me tell a story to
you and my friend
4 or 5 months ago,
I seemed so paranoid

Sitting on a couch, I was
At my friend's party
Too scared to even talk to the
nicest of the girls

then I thought who gives a d*mn,
and grabbed myself a drink
I partied hard and by 2am,
my head was in the sink

Now I say to everyone
who looks at me different,
Go ahead and judge me,
'cause this is my statement

YO!

CHORUS
Don't Judge me,
For how I look, or how I dress
Don't Judge me,
For how I walk, or how I talk
Don't Judge me,
'cause you just won't open your mind
Don't Judge me,
because you just don't know me!

....No, you don't know me!

CHORUS
Don't Judge me,
For how I look, or how I dress
Don't Judge me,
For how I walk, or how I talk
Don't Judge me,
'cause you just won't open your mind
Don't Judge me,
because it doesn't matter

...Your opinion means nothing to me anymore...


if any of you play guitar, i can give you the chords i want to match this with so you have a idea what it sounds like.
 

demoncaterpie

Smash Champion
Joined
Oct 4, 2004
Messages
2,224
Location
Abra abra cadabra. I wanna reach out and grab ya!
Lyrics are really tricky to judge, because they really need to be included with the song. Some of the best songs of all time have really lame lyrics (like Journey or the song Layla, depending on your point of view). However, when both the songs and the lyrics are perfect, than you have something that's truly amazing (like the works of Neil Young and Jethro Tull).

Taking that in mind, I would like to hear the music before I judge the lyrics, but I'll give you one piece of criticism. It seems like the lines "Don't Judge Me" are gonna be chanted, perhaps being the key words of the song. I think you should replace it with something else. "Don't Judge Me" is too blunt to be catchy, and it just seems silly in any kind of song.

I should also probably say that only some of your lines rhyme. That definitely needs to be fixed. Either you're rhyming throughout the song, or you're not. Both methods work very well in music (look at death metal).

I play the guitar, so show the tabs and I'll see if I can figure it out.
 

shinero

Smash Rookie
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
14
Location
Mt. Pleasant, MI
I'm gonna have to agree with demoncaterpie. It's real difficult to judge a song by merely reading it. I do like the overall theme, however. Why don't you post the chords and strum progression so we can see what the song might sound like while we read it.
 

SuperLinkBrothers

Smash Ace
Joined
Jun 26, 2007
Messages
513
Location
Hyrule...OF COURSE!
I would say that this song lyric would be okay..but you said to give criticism, so um...

THIS SONG DIDN'T RHYME, WHICH MADE IT SUCK

So um... would love to hear this song, oh wait, I mean...*thinks of criticism* I HATE IT AND I NEVER WANT TO LISTEN TO IT EVER YOU LAME SONG WRITER!!!


Lol, XD
 
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