Hey y'all.
This is a thread devoted to the noble and most ancient art of hustling. Let me preface this by saying that I do not consider myself an expert; I have some small experience, but I look forward to seeing the contributions that other, perhaps more proficient and experienced, hustlers can make.
Basically, the situation is this. Most of us find ourselves in the unique position of being very good at a game that an extraordinary number of people think they're good at. 99% of these people are not, in fact, anywhere near as good as us. Most of that 99% is composed of arrogant young males like ourselves. In short- you couldn't ask for a better opportunity to make some money. How? Look no further than the ancient tradition of the "Money Match" or "mm." When two people each claim superior SSB skillz, they settle it, obviously, by playing. The ancient "no jonz" covenant ensures that this brings a satisfactory end to the discussion. If there is still contention, however, the players will money match- if, after all, your opponent really is better than you, he should have no problem taking your money. If one backs out of a mm, one is essentially admitting gaming inferiority.
Of course, there is a great multitude of guys who've been playing this game, semi-seriously but non-competitively, for a long time. They think they're the best. You've all seen their first posts, their shaky handheld-camera videos, and their taking-all-comers threads. These are just the tip of the iceberg- twelve years later, and they're still coming out of the woodwork. Eventually, they come to tourneys and get whopped, or just lose interest.
Now, what if, instead of waiting for these minnows to come to us, we went to them? We wouldn't have to lie. We could say, straight up, that we're part of a community that is kind of pathetically into this game. That we play online with the best of the best. That we will, certainly, 100% of the time, crush them. And they would still money match us more often than not. I've done this- more or less- a few times, and come out the richer for it. Chump change, of course, but it's a monumentally satisfying use and validation of the skillz I've accumulated (which aren't, by the way, even particularly extraordinary by this community's standards- especially on console, where most of these challenges must perforce take place. Many of you are better.) Lately, I've been thinking of expanding these operations. Now, this isn't a 64-only thing, by any means. It extends to all the smash games (I've made the most money in melee, ironically enough, considering how bad I am at it) and even gaming as a whole- we who do it competitively can also do it lucratively, if we merely reach out and draw from the well of money sitting at our metaphorical feet.
There are a few basic tenets of hustling that you should all keep in mind, if you're tempted to try this (and you should)
1. Reel 'em in.
Basically, you can challenge someone to a $5 mm and then crush them. All of their friends will see it. No one from that group will money match you again, no matter how arrogant they are. But if you keep it close, they might come back for more- a favorite technique of mine is to start off small and "double or nothing" over and over again. It starts out as a matter of pride (they can't lose that dollar to you, they couldn't bear the indignity!), and then turns into a matter of profit (holy ****, I better get serious before this douchebag walks off with $32 of my hard earned cash. Double or Nothing! I'm playing kirby this time, I don't care how cheap it is!). If you do it right, you can keep it going until the mark is completely broke. So play that samus at first- letting them know that it's your worst, but in such a way that they won't believe you- or else straight-up sandbag, winning by one stock no matter how well they play. Beat the scrubbiest member of their crew by two stocks for a five-spot, and then when the pika-playing "champ" steps up, take him for fifty.
2. Di*k it up.
No one likes a D*ckhead. Especially a cocky one. The great part about this strategy is that you get to be completely honest. Walk into the arena- someone's living room, perhaps, where a casual game is going on- and let the boys know in no uncertain terms that you could wipe the floor with each and every one of them because "I'm like god at this game, guys, don't even ****." They will all think that they are, in fact, god at this game, and if you play your cards right you can get a big fat initial bet off of some poor sap who's sure that he's going to teach you a lesson in humility.
3. Be flexible.
Tourney rules are nice, of course, but it goes without saying that with money on the line, you can beat someone even if they like 200% items on. A little practice in these modes can go a long way.
4. A sidekick is nice
Get "beat" by friend A for $5, very publicly. You just introduced the concept of a money match to a roomful of greedy *******s. Be sure to john excessively. Friend A gets "whooped" (he's sandbagging) by cockyscrub #1 for $5. Tell everyone that Friend A got lucky. Challenge cockyscrub to a big money mm. Take him for everything he's willing to put up.
5. Watch your back
People don't like losing money. If they find out that they're being hustled, or that you were sandbagging, they likely won't pay, or, even worse, they and the rest of the people in the joint might beat the living **** out of you (luckily, this has never happened to me.) Ways to avoid this include being smooth, leaving right after you get your money, picking your targets carefully, and carrying knives everywhere (my personal favorite).
If you think that all of this is rather immoral, let me remind you that we're doing these people a favor by exposing them to competitive play and deflating their delusions of grandeur.
So- this thread is for discussing strategies for hustling, plans for hustling, issues concerning hustling, and places to hustle in. Also feel free to share tales of all of your money-making smash exploits here.
I put this in the Smash 64 section because I know you guys and because there isn't really a better place for this. The same things that apply to 64 apply imperfectly to melee and brawl as well.
By the way, you should all watch The Hustler with Paul Newman and Jackie Gleason. Perfect analogue to the competitive gaming scene; also a fantastic film (my personal favorite of all time).
Also, try to keep the discussion on topic, because I want to go to the grave having started at least one thread that doesn't end up giving Surri some horrible sexually transmitted infection. Mods: Note that this thread is absolutely serious and has everything to do with smash 64. Don't close it or move it to the social thread; it's its own discussion topic.
This is a thread devoted to the noble and most ancient art of hustling. Let me preface this by saying that I do not consider myself an expert; I have some small experience, but I look forward to seeing the contributions that other, perhaps more proficient and experienced, hustlers can make.
Basically, the situation is this. Most of us find ourselves in the unique position of being very good at a game that an extraordinary number of people think they're good at. 99% of these people are not, in fact, anywhere near as good as us. Most of that 99% is composed of arrogant young males like ourselves. In short- you couldn't ask for a better opportunity to make some money. How? Look no further than the ancient tradition of the "Money Match" or "mm." When two people each claim superior SSB skillz, they settle it, obviously, by playing. The ancient "no jonz" covenant ensures that this brings a satisfactory end to the discussion. If there is still contention, however, the players will money match- if, after all, your opponent really is better than you, he should have no problem taking your money. If one backs out of a mm, one is essentially admitting gaming inferiority.
Of course, there is a great multitude of guys who've been playing this game, semi-seriously but non-competitively, for a long time. They think they're the best. You've all seen their first posts, their shaky handheld-camera videos, and their taking-all-comers threads. These are just the tip of the iceberg- twelve years later, and they're still coming out of the woodwork. Eventually, they come to tourneys and get whopped, or just lose interest.
Now, what if, instead of waiting for these minnows to come to us, we went to them? We wouldn't have to lie. We could say, straight up, that we're part of a community that is kind of pathetically into this game. That we play online with the best of the best. That we will, certainly, 100% of the time, crush them. And they would still money match us more often than not. I've done this- more or less- a few times, and come out the richer for it. Chump change, of course, but it's a monumentally satisfying use and validation of the skillz I've accumulated (which aren't, by the way, even particularly extraordinary by this community's standards- especially on console, where most of these challenges must perforce take place. Many of you are better.) Lately, I've been thinking of expanding these operations. Now, this isn't a 64-only thing, by any means. It extends to all the smash games (I've made the most money in melee, ironically enough, considering how bad I am at it) and even gaming as a whole- we who do it competitively can also do it lucratively, if we merely reach out and draw from the well of money sitting at our metaphorical feet.
There are a few basic tenets of hustling that you should all keep in mind, if you're tempted to try this (and you should)
1. Reel 'em in.
Basically, you can challenge someone to a $5 mm and then crush them. All of their friends will see it. No one from that group will money match you again, no matter how arrogant they are. But if you keep it close, they might come back for more- a favorite technique of mine is to start off small and "double or nothing" over and over again. It starts out as a matter of pride (they can't lose that dollar to you, they couldn't bear the indignity!), and then turns into a matter of profit (holy ****, I better get serious before this douchebag walks off with $32 of my hard earned cash. Double or Nothing! I'm playing kirby this time, I don't care how cheap it is!). If you do it right, you can keep it going until the mark is completely broke. So play that samus at first- letting them know that it's your worst, but in such a way that they won't believe you- or else straight-up sandbag, winning by one stock no matter how well they play. Beat the scrubbiest member of their crew by two stocks for a five-spot, and then when the pika-playing "champ" steps up, take him for fifty.
2. Di*k it up.
No one likes a D*ckhead. Especially a cocky one. The great part about this strategy is that you get to be completely honest. Walk into the arena- someone's living room, perhaps, where a casual game is going on- and let the boys know in no uncertain terms that you could wipe the floor with each and every one of them because "I'm like god at this game, guys, don't even ****." They will all think that they are, in fact, god at this game, and if you play your cards right you can get a big fat initial bet off of some poor sap who's sure that he's going to teach you a lesson in humility.
3. Be flexible.
Tourney rules are nice, of course, but it goes without saying that with money on the line, you can beat someone even if they like 200% items on. A little practice in these modes can go a long way.
4. A sidekick is nice
Get "beat" by friend A for $5, very publicly. You just introduced the concept of a money match to a roomful of greedy *******s. Be sure to john excessively. Friend A gets "whooped" (he's sandbagging) by cockyscrub #1 for $5. Tell everyone that Friend A got lucky. Challenge cockyscrub to a big money mm. Take him for everything he's willing to put up.
5. Watch your back
People don't like losing money. If they find out that they're being hustled, or that you were sandbagging, they likely won't pay, or, even worse, they and the rest of the people in the joint might beat the living **** out of you (luckily, this has never happened to me.) Ways to avoid this include being smooth, leaving right after you get your money, picking your targets carefully, and carrying knives everywhere (my personal favorite).
If you think that all of this is rather immoral, let me remind you that we're doing these people a favor by exposing them to competitive play and deflating their delusions of grandeur.
So- this thread is for discussing strategies for hustling, plans for hustling, issues concerning hustling, and places to hustle in. Also feel free to share tales of all of your money-making smash exploits here.
I put this in the Smash 64 section because I know you guys and because there isn't really a better place for this. The same things that apply to 64 apply imperfectly to melee and brawl as well.
By the way, you should all watch The Hustler with Paul Newman and Jackie Gleason. Perfect analogue to the competitive gaming scene; also a fantastic film (my personal favorite of all time).
Also, try to keep the discussion on topic, because I want to go to the grave having started at least one thread that doesn't end up giving Surri some horrible sexually transmitted infection. Mods: Note that this thread is absolutely serious and has everything to do with smash 64. Don't close it or move it to the social thread; it's its own discussion topic.
