5 ways to win a match guaranteed!!

DALegendarySauce · Apr 13, 2007

Ok, if you guys are like me, you go to tournaments only to get knocked out by someone better than you, and then you go drink water from the fountain for 6 hours while trying to sneak in a highfive with isai. Well, consider that the past!!
I found a way around losing. It is attributed all to 2 letters. D Q
Disqualified. This happens ina tournament for many reasons.
1) stalling
2) pausing
3) being violent or something idk.

stalling is up to them so you can't make them do that
being violent isn't gonna be easy to make a lot of people do (Yuna)

but if you use my strategiez you can get them to pause and get them dq'd

Technique #1 : Sneezing
Most smashers are pretty nice. If the match starts and you are sneezing they'll prolly pause for you. This brings the set to 1-0 for you if you play your cards right.
Just start sneezing a lot and they'll pause 95% of the time.

Technique #2 : Controller drop
Same as #1 except drop your controller and say some obscenity or some exclaimation.
works 65% of the time.

Techique #3 : Trick start button
When the match is going on (Not at the startQ!!!) press your controller next to pause and say "Did they turn pause off?!? crap!"
works 45% of the time

Techique #4 : Self destruct
Ask them if that controller has a working start button
30%
WARNING: This will not work in the same set as #3

Techinique #5: Houdini
walk away from the match mid game.(beginning of match = better) Say something like "Shoot! I forgot my cell phone"
works 100% of the time!!!

If you are skeptical I got 4th in 40 person tourney using this strat. I usually go 1,4 or 5,4
but sometimes i go 2,5 or 2,3

April Foolz!

Zankoku · Apr 13, 2007

What a thread to double-post.

PDOT · Apr 13, 2007

LOL, that was great.

Hot_ArmS · Apr 13, 2007

lol that is the rattiest thing ever

choknater · Apr 13, 2007

brilliant!

-Wolfy- · Apr 13, 2007

funniest thing i've seen all day, even though it's only 8:27

Aldwyn McCloud · Apr 13, 2007

what the f***???? XDDD

I gotta be REALLY careful with these tricks... well this is mind game too after all, isn't it?

Luck-NYC/NJ · Apr 13, 2007

DALegendarySauce said:
Ok, if you guys are like me, you go to tournaments only to get knocked out by someone better than you, and then you go drink water from the fountain for 6 hours while trying to sneak in a highfive with isai. Well, consider that the past!!
I found a way around losing. It is attributed all to 2 letters. D Q
Disqualified. This happens ina tournament for many reasons.
1) stalling
2) pausing
3) being violent or something idk.

stalling is up to them so you can't make them do that
being violent isn't gonna be easy to make a lot of people do (Yuna)

but if you use my strategiez you can get them to pause and get them dq'd

Technique #1 : Sneezing
Most smashers are pretty nice. If the match starts and you are sneezing they'll prolly pause for you. This brings the set to 1-0 for you if you play your cards right.
Just start sneezing a lot and they'll pause 95% of the time.

Technique #2 : Controller drop
Same as #1 except drop your controller and say some obscenity or some exclaimation.
works 65% of the time.

Techique #3 : Trick start button
When the match is going on (Not at the startQ!!!) press your controller next to pause and say "Did they turn pause off?!? crap!"
works 45% of the time

Techique #4 : Self destruct
Ask them if that controller has a working start button
30%
WARNING: This will not work in the same set as #3

Techinique #5: Houdini
walk away from the match mid game.(beginning of match = better) Say something like "Shoot! I forgot my cell phone"
works 100% of the time!!!

If you are skeptical I got 4th in 40 person tourney using this strat. I usually go 1,4 or 5,4
but sometimes i go 2,5 or 2,3

April Foolz!

I love how u just started spelling technique wrong after the first 2 8P. but on a more serious note tht April fools part at the end is so late >_> april foolz is on the first...

on another serious note Technique is spelled like this: Technique spell it right all the time and u'll be a smash pro in no time!! ^o^

Vall3y · Apr 13, 2007

play to win, son.
these strats are great im going to practice them now

Fawriel · Apr 13, 2007

Hehe, awesome.

Next in the series of How To Be a Total Jerk, how to eat fast food at a Weightwatchers assembly!

Red Exodus · Apr 13, 2007

I'd call Johns.

/thread

KevinM · Apr 13, 2007

I would pause for them and then when they left turn it back on :chuckle:

Nah i'm an *** i prolly wouldn't pause for them and if they say they need a break tell them to pause for it

Aminar · Apr 13, 2007

Isn'[t the point of a tournament to outplay your opponents. Not win through stupidity. Any judge that would allow this doesn't deserve to run tournaments. And April Fools was a while ago.

Anther · Apr 13, 2007

That's right Aminar.
I'll stab someone in their **** throat if they pull some **** like that.
Shoot, I'll leave the tourney, come back with a gun and light the place up.
I'll DQ your *** from life >=O

Vall3y · Apr 13, 2007

Anther said:
That's right Aminar.
I'll stab someone in their **** throat if they pull some **** like that.
Shoot, I'll leave the tourney, come back with a gun and light the place up.
I'll DQ your *** from life >=O

wow talk about a bad sport...
what a sore loser

Hal-Yur-Azn-Pal · Apr 13, 2007

Dude this totally worked, I just beat Ken using #3.

tshahi10 · Apr 13, 2007

i think this is the best combo ever. heeheheheeheheheh *off to pwn ken*
it would especially work on the japanese because they are so nice, unlike some of you americans

Fiiii · Apr 13, 2007

First of all, to Hal-Yur-Azn-Pal: Yeah right, sure you did.

Second, to DALegendarySauce: Don't be a wuss!

Anther · Apr 13, 2007

Vall3y said:
wow talk about a bad sport...
what a sore loser

Don't make me DQ you too =P.

vericz · Apr 13, 2007

You guys talk about the other player being nice and pausing for you, I think if they paused for you while you weren't there or you are sneezing it's your fault. Smash is a game of skill, not cheating someone to win one game. 5 completely useless techniques.

Fade016 · Apr 13, 2007

This is a Great guide if you Want to be hated and have people bann you from there future tournys or never money match you. mabey in Paused banned friendlys i would do this lol still be so funny. Do that in a 50$ money match lmao

Dylan_Tnga · Apr 13, 2007

DALegendarySauce said:
Ok, if you guys are like me, you go to tournaments only to get knocked out by someone better than you, and then you go drink water from the fountain for 6 hours while trying to sneak in a highfive with isai. Well, consider that the past!!
I found a way around losing. It is attributed all to 2 letters. D Q
Disqualified. This happens ina tournament for many reasons.
1) stalling
2) pausing
3) being violent or something idk.

stalling is up to them so you can't make them do that
being violent isn't gonna be easy to make a lot of people do (Yuna)

but if you use my strategiez you can get them to pause and get them dq'd

Technique #1 : Sneezing
Most smashers are pretty nice. If the match starts and you are sneezing they'll prolly pause for you. This brings the set to 1-0 for you if you play your cards right.
Just start sneezing a lot and they'll pause 95% of the time.

Technique #2 : Controller drop
Same as #1 except drop your controller and say some obscenity or some exclaimation.
works 65% of the time.

Techique #3 : Trick start button
When the match is going on (Not at the startQ!!!) press your controller next to pause and say "Did they turn pause off?!? crap!"
works 45% of the time

Techique #4 : Self destruct
Ask them if that controller has a working start button
30%
WARNING: This will not work in the same set as #3

Techinique #5: Houdini
walk away from the match mid game.(beginning of match = better) Say something like "Shoot! I forgot my cell phone"
works 100% of the time!!!

If you are skeptical I got 4th in 40 person tourney using this strat. I usually go 1,4 or 5,4
but sometimes i go 2,5 or 2,3

April Foolz!

Mindgames, son. :laugh:

Wave⁂ · Apr 13, 2007

Pathetic. I'm sorry, that's all I have to say. I'm not even sure this belongs in Melee Discussion.

Fade016 · Apr 13, 2007

Well if you like to **** people off go ahead im not going to get yelled at lawl :laugh:

DarkFr0g · Apr 13, 2007

This is not cheating. It's mind games taken to the next level.

Jiano · Apr 13, 2007

DarkFr0g said:
This is not cheating. It's mind games taken to the next level.

This man speaks the truth.

Thanks for the tips, Sauce. I'll definitely use this at the next tournament I attend.

i8waffles612 · Apr 13, 2007

DALegendarySauce said:
Ok, if you guys are like me, you go to tournaments only to get knocked out by someone better than you, and then you go drink water from the fountain for 6 hours while trying to sneak in a highfive with isai. Well, consider that the past!!
I found a way around losing. It is attributed all to 2 letters. D Q
Disqualified. This happens ina tournament for many reasons.
1) stalling
2) pausing
3) being violent or something idk.

stalling is up to them so you can't make them do that
being violent isn't gonna be easy to make a lot of people do (Yuna)

but if you use my strategiez you can get them to pause and get them dq'd

Technique #1 : Sneezing
Most smashers are pretty nice. If the match starts and you are sneezing they'll prolly pause for you. This brings the set to 1-0 for you if you play your cards right.
Just start sneezing a lot and they'll pause 95% of the time.

Technique #2 : Controller drop
Same as #1 except drop your controller and say some obscenity or some exclaimation.
works 65% of the time.

Techique #3 : Trick start button
When the match is going on (Not at the startQ!!!) press your controller next to pause and say "Did they turn pause off?!? crap!"
works 45% of the time

Techique #4 : Self destruct
Ask them if that controller has a working start button
30%
WARNING: This will not work in the same set as #3

Techinique #5: Houdini
walk away from the match mid game.(beginning of match = better) Say something like "Shoot! I forgot my cell phone"
works 100% of the time!!!

If you are skeptical I got 4th in 40 person tourney using this strat. I usually go 1,4 or 5,4
but sometimes i go 2,5 or 2,3

April Foolz!

OMG ITS NOT EVEN APRIL 1ST.... ITS FRIDAY DA FCKIN 13TH!!

And yea melee is a game of skill, not cheating

Fade016 · Apr 13, 2007

Well Technically its not Cheating, but its a good way to get in argument and ****ing people off and have a bad Reputation among other people.

MuseLives · Apr 13, 2007

I''ll admit, this thread got me to lol.

But it's still really ******** nonetheless.

Cra$hman · Apr 13, 2007

Wow wtf, I thought this was a community about playing to win, and last time I checked there wasn't a stipulation in the playing to win mantra about not hurting people's feelings. If you get owned its because he was obviously a better player, and you being a scrub failed, neigh, refused to adapt because it interfered with your preconceived notions of how the game is "supposed" to be played. Wake up and smell mindgames, this is smash bros melee. You do whatever it takes to win and you DEFINITELY don't make johns.

-Ca$hman

i8waffles612 · Apr 13, 2007

Cra$hman said:
Wow wtf, I thought this was a community about playing to win, and last time I checked there wasn't a stipulation in the playing to win mantra about not hurting people's feelings. If you get owned its because he was obviously a better player, and you being a scrub failed, neigh, refused to adapt because it interfered with your preconceived notions of how the game is "supposed" to be played. Wake up and smell mindgames, this is smash bros melee. You do whatever it takes to win and you DEFINITELY don't make johns.

-Ca$hman

....
anyways its not always about winning...
having fun is what i play for...

Hank McCoy · Apr 13, 2007

i got the "start button broken" one to work in a tourney i think against Puffinator. he was SOOOOOOO MAAAAAADDDDDD.

KevinM · Apr 13, 2007

i8waffles612 said:
....
anyways its not always about winning...
having fun is what i play for...

Well that's why your constantly going to be stuck under the scrub category.... you play to win in a tournament you don't bother about having fun.. thats what Friendlies are for

RelaxImAProfessional · Apr 14, 2007

lol no one would care in a tourney in NYC because no one would care how many times you pause. especially if your tourney director is Wes. Hed just call you stupid if you wanna disqualify someone for pausing it. Anyone from killer fleet would probably do the same also.

btk Ace · Apr 14, 2007

Wow this is great :D
I love you
best guild ever.

and everyone calling this cheap
its not, its mindgames

you just have to be a big enough ******* to not care if they are sneezing and **** the hell out of them while they are doing it
like me

Kerocola · Apr 14, 2007

Heh, I hate pausers. I'm not mean or anything, but if someone is clumsy and drops their controller or something I'll pummel them. I hate pausing...normally, the player I'm fighting is talking. I ignore that person. Because what they have to say doesn't matter...and if it's important I'll find out somehow.

Overswarm · Apr 14, 2007

Here's an easier list.

1. Don't shower. For a month before the tournament. Their tech skill goes down 50%, even more if you are a camping player.

2. Vomit. This can be combined with #1. After vomiting, get a win for them pausing. If they didn't pause, just say "I'm still playing let's go". Works best if you vomit on them.

Fawriel · Apr 14, 2007

Overswarm said:
Here's an easier list.

1. Don't shower. For a month before the tournament. Their tech skill goes down 50%, even more if you are a camping player.

2. Vomit. This can be combined with #1. After vomiting, get a win for them pausing. If they didn't pause, just say "I'm still playing let's go". Works best if you vomit on them.

This is mindgames taken to the next level taken to the next level taken to the next level!

...son!

jamminjohn · Apr 14, 2007

Shouldn't pause be disabled?? This works all the time at house games.

Wave⁂ · Apr 14, 2007

You guys are just so pathetic (again).

Where is the honor in Johns'ing?

Does it gain you recognition? No!
Does it gain you respect? No!
Does it give you money? No! (Unless you are ****ing ******** *****)
Does it give you possible PAIN? Yes.

5 ways to win a match guaranteed!!

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