Funniest John(s) You've Ever Heard?

RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Felix, let me clear up why I came in last place, I'll list the reasons why I just wasn't myself that day.

1.) I was malnutritioned, I didn't eat for six days.
2.) I had some wierd type of rare Pnuemonia that prevented me from seeing clearly.
3.) I had a fever of 103.7
4.) I was drunk off some type of German Beer.
5.) I smoked a cigarillo, but turns out a Jamacian put some of that green stuff in it, and I was seeing 2 and 3 of the characters I was fighting, this caused me to suicide quite a bit.
6.) I had a new strain of the Bird Flu, but I managed to get over that.
7.) I was suffering from Dizziness and my equalibrium was off due to me walking for that six days in the desert sun.
8.) I didn't own a gamecube and only played ever few weeks or so by hiking up to the Apalachian mountains every two weeks, having to fight mountain goats, Yetti's (Snowmen things), The real life Popo and Nana, a Dragon, and finally Harry potter strung out just to reach the gamecube, you don't even wanna know what epic feat I had to accomplish Just to get the T.V. to play it on.

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phanna said:

All of these come from JEWZFTW:

• You're lucky I don't own this game
• The worst part is, is you're not even good.
• Wow auto-targeting me
• You just throw out hitboxes
• I was in damage mode
• Chronic hitboxes all over me
• The game just cheated for you and you know it.

and his other 1,000 johns are all listed here:

john

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Xanskarr said:

" You're so lucky i wasn't really trying " Remember, this was a tourney match....

So? I don't used to not play serious in pretty much all matches, tournament or not.

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Che_Lab said:

My hand was cramped from masturbating.

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phanna said:

All of these come from JEWZFTW:

• You're lucky I don't own this game
• The worst part is, is you're not even good.
• Wow auto-targeting me
• You just throw out hitboxes
• I was in damage mode
• Chronic hitboxes all over me
• The game just cheated for you and you know it.

and his other 1,000 johns are all listed here:

john

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

I'm better than you so whats it matter? >;]



Rage, you three stocked me ONCE. So with that being said, it was obviously a FLUKE. I'd like to really see you try that **** again; Especially with me upping my skills so much now. And to think he's much better than me will have your head hurting when I pwn him so **** horrible; and you too for that matter. Don't get in over your head, Marth is new territory for me, but once I get as comfortable with him as I did with ROY (I still have some Roy tendencies I'm taking care of) I'm more than confident you'll be easily 3 stocked everytime, Hell, maybe even some 4's. My Marth has more potential than my Roy, and my Roy used to keep up with EVERY character that you had, sure you 1 stocked me, but even then Roy was handicapped due to his lack of recovery ability, we'll see; We'll see.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

You go pretty fast, but you miss majority of the time, we pretty much even out. And since I've worked on my speed/combo'ing. Erm, You're pretty much roadkill to me now.

Fire: You have absolutely no room to talk. Mr. I get 3 stocked then RoK has to come in and clean up my mess against RunningBrave lookin @$$!

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Sorry buddy, I don't think you three stocked me last time (I think one time with C.Falcon) But that's it. Also, I've corrected the two main problems I have (Well, three). #1! Staying too close to the edge to setup for easy kills,t hough, this usually works on majority of the people, however, you know the frames to release and grab the edge and stay unscathed, so I'm fine. #2! Dexterity. I hardly moved and stayed in the same general area as I didn't want to go full out becasue of the consequences it may cause! Never more!

Last but not least, my main problem, "Combos". (Also stated on how low it was in my "Select your smasher thing.") That's the only reason you were able to get me. I had as many opportunitys as you did to cause damage, however; Because I was focus more on defense (I picked up BlueZaft's playstyle and intergrated it in with my own; as far as defense) I hardly attempted to do any combos (Basically all of them had to start with the short-hopped fair, which I think is harder with Marth than fox!)l. But, get ready to be owned, Cause you make ASSLOADS of mistakes, you just cover it up with power and speed; and now that I can successfully exploit that. OH, ITS PWNAGE TIME MY FRIEND.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

[Color="Blue]BlueZaft[/Color]: Lawlz, Nice Pun. But seriously, can't do it. u_u; Grrr, can't skip anymore work. And I know sure as hell I won't be done by that time, it takes two hours to get to the bus and I start work at 8, and I may not be off until 2:00 (I was hoping the tournament started late). And the Bus from Oakcliff to Rowlette would take me about 3 1/2 to 4 hours with transfers and stuff. So, I won't be attending this time. >=[ GRRRRRRRRRRRR. Whole work I've been perfecting my game and now, I'll have to wait until next week to show it.

***Extra note***

Drew can't post anything in here without someone directing something direclty at him, but he can give me a **** infraction for dodging the lame smashboards censor. Dr. Drew the Noob. COME GET 4 STOCKED.[/QUOTE]

[quote="RagnaRoKnTexas, post: 2912845"]..OMFG. This is going to be the biggest tournament ever held by one of us at Dallas Locals and I have to work... OMFG. No.. ****in' No. ****.. ... Blue.. if I can ge to UTD by the time you're going to leave, CAN I PLEASE COME? PLEASE? Someone? RunningBrave? Rage? Anyone? u_u;.... Seriously man.

... You guyz seriously don't know how depressed I am because I can't go to this ****. Man.. ****. You don't realize all the effort I have been putting into training. Now going to go down the **** drain cause this isn't going to happen again and I got MUTHA PHUCKIN' WORK. FCKIN WORK. I hate this **** seriously. Man.. ****. And then these new people. they're going to get horribly crushed and never come to another smash tournament and we wont' have big of a turnout... OMFG. i DON'T BELIEVE THIS **** OMFG, NO NO NO. u_u;

I seriously wanna cry, Hell, I think I am crying a little. Alas, RagnaRoK the Reaper is forced not to claim the title of Dallas Greatest this day... but perhaps.. but perhaps another one.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Unfortunately, I have work this day; So I won't be able to win this tournament. You *******s lucked up.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Dr. Drew the Dragon: I'm a contender now though, Ask Blue/Rage, I'm doing fairly well, maybe not fully able to beat them ( Or if so, not consecutively) But, My Marth is turning into a problem and fast. Just get your cube so you can be ready xD.

Lil' Hawk: You RunningBrave's Little brother from his videos?

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Blue, then let me RELITERATE. No Crew, no Crew battle :O

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Lawl, with all major honestly; My crew as of now, could beat you in that Challenge. Besides, 3+ is a Crew, 2 people is only a team. Also, you spelled Spring Road on the first Page, and how about a city and zip code?

ANYONE: Big O's holding that SmashFest thing, and I wanted to know if anyone could give me a ride there Friday? I can get to any dart rail station if you live close to one, or I can find a way to get to your house, and then to Big O's!

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

I won't be able to make this tournament. **** I HATE YOU BLUE. Tell TipperQueen she has to Rub my belleh next time I see her :O

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

To All : For the moment, my main is Marth. For the Simple Reason I simply Pwn with him and make everything and everyone who challenges me look stupid beyond all comprehension. Feel free to test me to see if I'm actually better with Roy... Or get embarrassed trying. However you feel.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Poot: Green cause of teh Herb. Good man. I thought I would do better against your Doc with my Falco, but that didn't work out. You mind gamed the hell outta my Roy, kept barely missing the edge, but you beat me; Good ****, No johns friend no johns. -= Applauds. =-Though, I'm at about ya'lls level I believe. >.>;

FMatt: YOU SUCK ***! Serious, you got a big *** house and its about 120 Degrees, I feel like I'm sweating all my Fat off; didn't even want to do too many friendlies cause of the ridiculous heat. And because of the TOLL ROADS And the HORRIBLE DISTANCE to get there; you should've had some drinks ready or something if you knew your A/C was ****ed up. And could've had more friendlies after the tournament was over, GEEZ. Plus, I think it's not the skill you have, but essential the skill that comes from Samus. I.E. not being able to be COMBO'D easily.

Rawr: Good **** man, rode out there; looking for change and **** for the toll, wrecked some people in Team's and had fun. Bwah ha. I still can't believe I ate a whole pizza (Well.. yeah I can just look at me, lawlz). But anyways good ****. BKM can still beat Reset, xD, I'm looking forward to our next crew battle.

Pi3: Kick *** man. Lawl, you 3 stocked my Captain Falco with Pichu, but I 3 stocked your Marth with Roy, I say we even out. Good playing with ya. >=]

Fire: You're a ****. Good pizza though. :O (Get Mario's **** out j00r ear ;P)

K.G.: Gotta improve, if you're gonna use the icies, gotta rely on more than the down smash and the wobbling technique. BWAH HA.

BlueZaft: Love me? WTFlux! Why? Is it because of my random mumblings of awesomeness? BWAH HA.

Running Brave: Nice matches man. That Falco match I had with you; No idea how htat happened. xD

OKAY, NOW MY "JOHNS" SECTION!

Johns: Fire Fat *** couldn't bring me something to drink, even though he said he would when he left; Which means I'mma eat your children later. TOO many toll Roads on the way to FMatt's, Seriously man, find a better place to live that's closer; or a place WITH air conditioning or at least some FANS. This not a John but, I had to **** something horrible after a little while of me eating a whole pizza, but alas! I managed to hold it in. FMatt lucky I didn't decide to leave him a Smash present; A 5 pound, basketball sized chocolate mud baby. Because I got back so late on the Train (Yes, I had to actually take a 1 and a half hour ride TO GET TO THE PLACE I needed to ride with Rawr at), to get back home; I had to get J-Roc to pick me up, cause my mom was Johnning her *** off. (Good job J-Roc. >=] Nice Blunt. @_@ Whoo teh Chonrikkkk). Anywayz, Laterz peoplez, may the Force of my Anus be with you all.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

I know you sure ain't talkin' shine gave yo *** a hard time. And would've killed you more if he did more kill moves instead of racking your damage up to **** near 200 everytime, but don't worry, we workin'. Don't take Shine Lightly or you liable to get Spiked to hell.

Aries: Answer me, Did you join Reset?

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Oh hell no! You outta know by now that NOONE insults the greatest character in smash brothers history without going through me.
First off, Roy is a natural counter for Mario, I nearly beat Scav, who is a way better mario than you, so no way in hell you'll stand a chance. You beat me ONCE. On a LAGGY T.V. at MUSHROOM KINGDOM II Since none of those factors are there, you're as good as burnt toast my friend.
Second off, Roy's FIRE COUNTERS Mario. Period. Die in hell. BWah ha.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

You want to say you want to have the rematch saturday, even though I TOLD YOU TODAY IN A TEXT. I mostly likely won't make it because half of my crew, which is also my ride, is most likely doing something; So it's simply they had other things planned, not that we're scared. I mean, you got half baked signatures, and you lost the first time around. Lawl. And Angel was a sub eh? I thought you said he was still in your crew though? So you still lost.
Just be lucky I didn't use Roy, It would've been even worse slaughter since I actually use him on a constant basis, and I doubt you could beat J-Roc,and I don't your friend could beat any of my crew in any ditto.
BTW My crew sigs are coming up, I'm just working on the last piece of the puzzle, crew emblem. So, thats it. Latz0rz.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Hey, Stop tryina jock my teammates. Though, No deny he'd give you a run for your money. I PWN ALL YOU PEACHES! (Cept on laggy T.V.'s. )

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Mouf: Bowser that beat my Roy was absolute garbage, at that time, everyone KNOWS. I had a Roy Suiciding problem. Seriously. Ask any player, BlueZaft, F4L, anyone. I used to constantly suicide, and that did all the work for you. Sides, that was at Moast, I'm teh ****z0rz now dude. And when you beat me with your DK, doesn't matter, cause I absolutely pwned you when I did win, Lawl, ROY COUNTERS ALL! Nuff said.

All the rest: RagnaRoK the Reaper, Royal Roy Player Raper ain't **** in the world to save ya when I slash ya with my Saber! First and never last, reduce they *** to grass, 4-stock these fools fast, wave dash to forward smash!

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

I hear ya. I got easy street all the way up to the Semi-Finals and had to go against UTD Zac. Lost first, Won Second, Lost third (He's one hell of a counter stage picker). But yeah, xD. Hopefully, I'll get easy street again and won't have to take out anyone hard. Though, i am prepared to do it, so watch out!

BTW: Roy Counters ALL.

Poot: Noticed you took one of my quotes as your Signature, I am honored! Lawl.

Rage: Good to have you back man. I remember when me, you and Poot were plotting at Moast, Fun fun ****.

F4L : LOL. o_o I never got 4 stocked by Rage! No wonder I waxed you and Dark at the last tournament! You sux0rz. :O J/K. you only half suck. You like.. Huck.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

I will Win next time. Zac took me in out in Quarter/Semi Finals and ****ed me in a counter pick. (Last match of hte game, Picked Peach on Dreamland. Horrible ****). But, I will win the next tournament, mark my wordssss.

Changsta : I need to play you!

F4L : I pwnt you, I'm better, nuff said.

Dark : I'm better than you too (Lawl, I came back and won with link AGAIN) But, they ****ed you on this **** tournament man, they need to get they **** right.

Speedy: You said Roy sucked, fought me with MARTH and got 4 STOCKED. Nuff said.

Remember :Roy Counters all. See you at the next tournament!

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

I'll probably be going to A-Kon. Now, some responses.

Darkness of Heart - Oh, don't lie, I was sticking with you. You 4 stocked me last life, but I was close on the first match of the set. You ended up figuring out that I tend to crouch councel a lot with Roy (Used to) And that your down smash obliterated me and spammed te hell out of that, Don't worry. D.I. Has greatly improved. Be prepared for Pain!

Hylian - Mouf was the first person who ever played against me with Bowser/DK, So I didn't really know what to expect, and I suicided all four of those times. (Ask Blue or F4L, If i don't suicided at least once in a match, I'm having a good day) But thats about it nothing major.

DarkMagnus - I can talk sh*t cause I am teh best! Caveman, Xelic and Sethlon can come from houston and get some of this *** kicking too!

BTW - Sethlon is suppose to be one of the best Roy's in Texas? Because I fought him in Like 3-4 Roy dittos before he walked off, and someone told me I had been playing "The Sethlon" (They put "The" infront of his name like he was an unhuman bot or something) But yeah. He never four stocked me, and never three stocked me. It was either by 2 or 1 life. So considering he was my idle at one point. Psh, I laff.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Rofl, Let me answer these in this Order.

Falco4Life = Me and you Falco were even last time he played, and because of how I'm doing, I'm getting even better. Average people I'm able to beat, however, The top 4 in Dallas, I'm having some problems with. >=] The only thing Marth has over Roy is his ability to do the spike with nos pecified sweetspot, and a longer reach. (Since Roy has to be inside) But bro, I will own you hard.

Drew Da Dragon = $50 bucks? I barely got enough money to get in, you'll be lucky if I got a penny left for a money match, Ask LG, me and him had a dollar money match and he had to spot me 7 cents cause I only had 93 in my wallet. I won BTW.

DoH = You've never played me but I've seen your Peach, nice, another thing, I'm weak against 3 characters, Peach/Samus/Luigi. So, even a suck player with anyone of those can give me a hard time at times, so thats why I want to fight you, true test of limits >=]

Scav = You honestly going to fight me in the first round and throw away all your hopes and dreams of placing decent in this tournament? I mean, if you and your Mario want to commit Melee suicide, go right ahead.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

He may live seven minutes from it, But how long is that in walking distance? Takes me about 5 minutes to walk to bluezaft's from where the bus drops me off. So how long is that in WALKING DISTANCE! (JOHNS!)

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Nope, I haven't; sat back and watched your peach play, **** is ridiculous. I wonder how I'll fare. My Roy has a weakness to Peach, Luigi's, and Samus'. But I'm taking care of that. ;D BWAHAHAHAHAHA I CHALLENGE J00 DOH!!!!! o_o Y'know, say that outloud and I think of Homer Simpson. DOHHH

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Felix, don't trip on it, I didn't use the C-Stick and I was a lot better starting to use it, by that time though hardly anyone was around. But don't worry, I'm takin' that chedda at Jim's tournament, so be ready to fork over that money. bwahahahahaha. Roy Pwns j00 all!! >=]

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

You startin' gettin' yo anus handed to you though after I started using that C-Stick man. I went from gettin' three stock to you barely winning when I actually started using it. Don't worry, I'm a lot faster using it, Ph33r T3h Phir3 bruh. Just be prepared to hand over 1st place prize to me at that tournament, you and all the rest of these smashers who think Roy is one of the Weakest! I am king!!! King of the smashers! I am leading the Roy Revolution! I am a Roy Revolutionary!

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

I've found out my major problem from Zaft's tournament, so once I improve on t hat, Neo'll be crying cause he can't compete with my skill! bwahahahaha. By the way LG Luigi sucks. xD (inside joke people, don't infract me for that) Anyways, see ya'll at the next Local Tourney. Ph33r T3h Phir3 Of Teh R0y!

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Zelda, I'll do her in, Peach, peach is good for the simple fact she has that insane *** down smash that inflicts massive damage if not DI'd properly. ;D I won't back down though, Get smacked around. BlueZaft, I'mma get you this time man. ;D Bwahahahahaa. I was just outta practicet hat day.. thats all.. =)

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Felix, let me clear up why I came in last place, I'll list the reasons why I just wasn't myself that day.

1.) I was malnutritioned, I didn't eat for six days.
2.) I had some wierd type of rare Pnuemonia that prevented me from seeing clearly.
3.) I had a fever of 103.7
4.) I was drunk off some type of German Beer.
5.) I smoked a cigarillo, but turns out a Jamacian put some of that green stuff in it, and I was seeing 2 and 3 of the characters I was fighting, this caused me to suicide quite a bit.
6.) I had a new strain of the Bird Flu, but I managed to get over that.
7.) I was suffering from Dizziness and my equalibrium was off due to me walking for that six days in the desert sun.
8.) I didn't own a gamecube and only played ever few weeks or so by hiking up to the Apalachian mountains every two weeks, having to fight mountain goats, Yetti's (Snowmen things), The real life Popo and Nana, a Dragon, and finally Harry potter strung out just to reach the gamecube, you don't even wanna know what epic feat I had to accomplish Just to get the T.V. to play it on.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Felix, let me clear up why I came in last place, I'll list the reasons why I just wasn't myself that day.

1.) I was malnutritioned, I didn't eat for six days.
2.) I had some wierd type of rare Pnuemonia that prevented me from seeing clearly.
3.) I had a fever of 103.7
4.) I was drunk off some type of German Beer.
5.) I smoked a cigarillo, but turns out a Jamacian put some of that green stuff in it, and I was seeing 2 and 3 of the characters I was fighting, this caused me to suicide quite a bit.
6.) I had a new strain of the Bird Flu, but I managed to get over that.
7.) I was suffering from Dizziness and my equalibrium was off due to me walking for that six days in the desert sun.
8.) I didn't own a gamecube and only played ever few weeks or so by hiking up to the Apalachian mountains every two weeks, having to fight mountain goats, Yetti's (Snowmen things), The real life Popo and Nana, a Dragon, and finally Harry potter strung out just to reach the gamecube, you don't even wanna know what epic feat I had to accomplish Just to get the T.V. to play it on.

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RagnaRoKnTexas said:

Felix, let me clear up why I came in last place, I'll list the reasons why I just wasn't myself that day.

1.) I was malnutritioned, I didn't eat for six days.
2.) I had some wierd type of rare Pnuemonia that prevented me from seeing clearly.
3.) I had a fever of 103.7
4.) I was drunk off some type of German Beer.
5.) I smoked a cigarillo, but turns out a Jamacian put some of that green stuff in it, and I was seeing 2 and 3 of the characters I was fighting, this caused me to suicide quite a bit.
6.) I had a new strain of the Bird Flu, but I managed to get over that.
7.) I was suffering from Dizziness and my equalibrium was off due to me walking for that six days in the desert sun.
8.) I didn't own a gamecube and only played ever few weeks or so by hiking up to the Apalachian mountains every two weeks, having to fight mountain goats, Yetti's (Snowmen things), The real life Popo and Nana, a Dragon, and finally Harry potter strung out just to reach the gamecube, you don't even wanna know what epic feat I had to accomplish Just to get the T.V. to play it on.

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Imperial Wraith said:

"My controller wasn't hooked up". Who tha heyll said that lmao ^^

Lol, classic :D

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